Missing things...a trip

I miss my kids. I miss my old friends. And I even miss parts of my old single life, especially my solitude in the morning. All of that is normal. I've only actually lived in my new home for 5 months.

Being a step parent is rewarding on the one hand but not the same at all as being a parent. I don't care how much you love them, like them or they you.

I've known these new kids of mine for quite a while. I'm not new to them, I'm just new to their home. Parenting is such a difficult issue. Such a difficult job. I'm not so sure I did such a great job with my own birth children to be honest. They are good people. So in that I was successful. Their love lives are a mess, which I blame on their not having a good model growing up. They have soft hearts. They aren't greedy or spoiled, not now anyway. But I'm sure growing up they had some excess material possessions even though we tried not to overdo it. I wasn't a great disciplinarian but I wasn't totally easy either. They got grounded, privileges taken away when necessary. Sent to their rooms and spanked on occasion. I don't believe in corporal punishment but it happens especially when a young child does something dangerous in disobedience.

In this house I live in, I had no input into how the kids were raised. It's an odd feeling. I think because of this, their is a lack of connection. So when one of the teenage boys said recently that he would take care of any of his moms if we were sick, I felt good about that.

It's a different thing, this non birth mother love especially when it's so new. It's like a friendship and yet it's not. It's like a mom feeling and yet it's not. For some reason Hubby calls on me to support him in his discipline of his kids. The other two moms not as much. It's something about one of them being too easy and the other one being too stern. It's not a great position to be in but in a way it has helped blend us faster than not.

I'm going to see my kid and some other family for 7 nights! It makes me both happy and sad. I miss my kids...I said that before. But I will miss these kids here too and really, really miss the grandkids.

I will miss Hubby. I will talk to him several times a day I"m sure and I will talk to #1 once a day or two. Last time I was gone, I didn't really talk to #2 and don't expect to this time. Yesterday I felt close to her as if our friendship and sister feelings were finally happening. Tonight, I just want to grrrrrr...nothing big, just very very annoyed. I wonder if we will ever adjust to each other completely.

I was hoping that because I'm going to be away for 6 nights and they each were getting an extra night during that time, that one of them would have thought to offer me tomorrow and the next (my last night home)...nope, not. Sigh. Hubby says I wouldn't either but I would like to think I would. He says the jealousies between me and #2 would never allow it. I would like to think that I wouldn't let that stop me from being a generous, good person.

But, I miss my kids and I'm going to get to see at least one of them and I'm not going to let negativity spoil the happy feeling I have inside :) And I will miss my family here, the toddler hugs and kisses, the highschooler with the new girlfriend, the not having to cook except when hubby doesn't, lots of things...... but I'll be coming back very soon.