Monday, September 8, 2008

Right before moving in..my story continued

This post I made on a different site that concentrated on the decision and my move..you may find it interesting and hopefully it explains more background and contains some things I have learned up till now :)

3 days till D day
Mar 18, 2008
It's Tuesday. Friday all that I have weeded through and left to be moved across the country, will be picked up. So here I sit. In the middle of several piles, stagnate and trying to push myself. This is driving hubby crazy. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry he and #2 think it represents a hesitance on my part, because that just isn't so. I've made decisions..something I truly dislike doing. Saturday I will drive to RI bringing along some of my youngest son's things he left behind here. I will drop off my car so that it will be there for me when I return to RI when the baby is born. ~ I need something to find an internet cafe with afterall..lol~ I will also either give him the car or sell it up there. Ok so that decision isn't quite made. I will return to NY to pick up my last paycheck, and fly out from here, on the 27 or 28th. And I am EXCITED and joyful and sad all at once. Is it possible that men can't multi-task emotions ? I am ready to meet the challenges head on. Thank goodness for a level headed First wife! And for kids who seem to genuinely be happy I am arriving! And for a husband who is trying very hard to make me happy! And for a 2nd wife I can disagree with. I'm feeling a Serenity prayer coming on lol.. Speaking of #2, she asked for the phone the other night when she heard hubby say he was unhappy with my indecision, my seemng to him to be some hesitance etc etc... Oh man, I didn't like that. I'm sorry to all of you that love the bible but please don't quote it to me when it comes to relationships. Is that harsh of me? Maybe, but heck I can't be easy going and tolerant 24/7 lol. This is so difficult this move. I've learned things about friendships that are both good and bad. I've learned that you really can't depend on anyone else but yourself. I've learned that I am a horder..honest I didn't know that about myself. And I'm feeling my age in ways I can't describe. I am longing to be like one of Fen's young girls. Ready, willing and playful. And so desired that I can do no wrong. On the other hand I am learning that I am resilient more than I had thought. That I have a family larger than I had thought. And that I am vital to my larger family. That I can do this! I don't even think that the jealousy thing is going to be as difficult as I originally thought. Something seems to happen inside polygamy that transcends it. Oh it will be there I'm sure. But it may even become laughable. You take three women, all with different, VERY DIFFERENT, relationships with one man and for some unknown reason I THINK what happens is you start to enjoy the complexity of the man and his abilities. Is that possible really? Yes I think so. At any rate, here it is 3 days till D day and I'm on the computer. Some things never change. Procrastination is genetic I think and I am passing it on to the next generation. But am I sad about that. Not really. We are none of us perfect, and it is a far cry better than passing on psychosis. I see in my boys, hearts big as the ocean. I hope I had something to do with that. So my friends, I'm not sure I will be adding another blog post until I am settled in but ya never know!

1 comment:

Deb said...

I really enjoyed reading some of your background. Thank you for sharing it. I hope you'll share more as time goes on.