Monday, May 24, 2010


I don't think I've ever elaborated about schedules my old blog maybe. But schedules are important in polygamy in my humble opinion.

When I first arrived here the three who were in the marriage already didn't have a schedule at was more or less equal time in the first few years from what I've been told, then it was catch as catch can..with #2 catching the most time (from what I've been told and can tell). All and all no one minded this arrangement, which also was pretty dependent on the work schedules of each individual. And they had a "marriage bed" that they all shared..I think I've mentioned that before.

Anyway, along comes little old me. I say, ok guys we need a schedule!! And I watch as they all fall down. I was imposing my belief on them and honestly I really thought it would be a piece of cake.

So, three wives, 7 days, I suggest 2 days/nights each with a rotation somehow of the 7th day/night. We all look at the calendar and the other two wives each want one of their days off of course, and preferably two (all). Well that wasn't always going to work. We also occasionally switched nights which Hubby found confusing and unsettling. I think in the beginning we did 2+2+2+1. Then someone noticed that someone would be getting 3 in a row once in a while..revisit the calendar.

Then we changed to what I liked which was every other day kind of thing, what is referred to sometimes as a Round Robin Schedule. This was pretty fair in my opinion. Of course some months or weeks someone would get the third day/night therefore initiating talk and strife over the whole dang thing. #2 HATED this schedule because her time didn't always fall on her days off. After a month or two of her whining, Hubby took control of it and changed the schedule.Each of us with 2 days/nights and the supposed extra or 7th day/night being his to do with what he liked, go out, play cards, spend more time with the kids or whatever. He turned out to rarely do that. Which I of course knew would happen. I dislike this schedule for reasons that make me sad. At first Hubby would alternate his place of sleeping on that "extra day" then slowly, especially after my surgery, he took to always sleeping in the other room. He says he thinks of that as his room because it was for so many long years..advice to those contemplating a polygamous marriage...try not to enter in to one where all other parties involved have been involved for many, many years. Makes sense if you think about it.

Anyway, I took to researching this schedule thing. One family I found on the internet did a three/four; three/four; on alternating weeks and nicely if one wife was away for a few days she got a day or two extra to re-bond with the husband. If the husband and one wife went away to see family or vacation, the wife left home would get that extra day or two upon their return. This was an extremely civilized family who unfortunately don't blog anymore or I would point you in that direction.

Everyone seems to have their own type of schedule, some not as organized. It is supposed to help with jealous feelings, resentment etc and I think it does.

Now, for an odd reason I find myself thinking to hell with the schedule let's just do whatever comes naturally or whatever hubby wants, or something along those lines..let's just chuck it all out and be less organized and more free spirited. Let's have some spontaneity .. let's be romantic???? Maybe

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Family News

I have so much to talk about today but I'm going to try to limit the number of topics. It feels like forever since I've been here.

I'm sorry to see that Third is thinking of not writing anymore :( I so enjoyed reading her and hope she returns to her blog.

My #2 - well we are in an odd place at the moment. Somehow we are closer, but I have no clue how that happened...maybe I've come to the realization that her relationship with hubby is way complicated? All I know is I've noticed he agrees with a lot of my criticism of her but chooses not to dwell on her faults, which is admirable. Only wish he didn't hold me to a higher standard, as complimentary as I could take that! I feel sorry for #2, her family lives far away and her grown children who are closer are not close to her for whatever reason. I see her as a wounded bird in some ways, one that no one can help.

My #1 is going through a difficult time right now. She seems unhappy one minute and happy another. She keeps a great deal inside. Family is very important to her and hubby but they have some difficulties with their kids that are taking a long time to resolve.

Hubby is, hubby. He is much moodier than during our lengthy courtship but there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about that unfortunately it's his nature. Good news here though ....drum roll please...he is going to let me move to the other house!!!!!! He feels his son and his family need help with the house and all, and I feel (something tells me he agrees) "our" relationship will benefit from me being next door....Amen and Halleluah!!!

Wish me well on the move please...the son is not happy about it and has slowed the move to a virtual halt. However, I am visiting my family for a month very soon and that will give them time to get the house ready for me. I'm also somewhat worried about a new living situation; the inevitable jealousy it will probably bring; the conflict with his son and his son's wife maybe; and the temptation for me to turn it in to MY house and have girlfriends over for lunch; a glass of wine; to watch a movie etc. How I miss that aspect of living alone!!!