Monday, September 26, 2011

Sister Wives, the show and me

So...the new season of the TLC show Sister Wives started last night. For about a week or so, the Brown family, minus a pregnant Robin, made appearances on early morning talk/news shows and were the subject of commentary on other shows. I didn't pay much attention except I did get annoyed when a talk show host I otherwise admire made some derogatory comments like, "it's kind of disgusting" and such, and lumping the Browns and others like them in with the "bad" polys like the infamous compound in Texas. I couldn't believe it.
Let me just say this about the Browns. You should watch the show, even try to see the last season if possible on demand or however. It's so interesting! I remember feeling upset when they decided to add a 4th wife, but they handled it very well, and I got over my feeling that the others would have to sacrifice too much. The husband first of all, jeesh, I don't know where to start, but he should be cloned. He has faults I'm sure, and that is evident in the insecurities that were discussed when they were adding #4, but he is unbelievably fair. He has his struggles but he really seems to let the wives run the family in daily matters. Their original living arrangement was awesome! All three wives under one roof but separate apartments, which gave them dignity, respect and autonomy. By the way they did and still do now that they are in 4 separate homes, have an every 3/4 night rotation. The schedule I have always preferred, so everyone gets their chance at a Saturday night or whatever it is you want. Even. Fair.They don't discuss their sex lives at all but we know that means where he sleeps, and spends time.
I ADORE these people! They are far from disgusting! They are almost awe inspiring. They took a huge, perhaps unnecessary risk outing themselves on national TV and thus went under investigation in Utah. They are maybe a tad too idealistic. But they genuinely love and respect one another...really, you should check it out.

That said, I get to feeling a little bit wistful when I watch the Browns. I wish my life had turned out so peacefully and even keeled. There may be something to the notion of wives choosing the wives..Merri wife #1 grew up in polygamy and basically chose #2 who basically introduced everyone to #3 and then years later, Merri encouraged Kody to consider #4...she still felt jealous but it's worked itself out. Jealousy at the Browns as in I'm guessing other poly homes, is rarely if ever about sex..

Curious if any of you have watched and what you think..I'll admit it's a bit Polyannaish but I like it!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Age, Aging, Growing Old

I've had another birthday, and for that I am grateful...but man oh man, how did I get so old? I'm not kidding, I've never thought of myself as an old person. My parents were aunts and uncles and grandparents. I am still the rebellious 20something who never did the ordinary thing. The underachieving, late blooming daughter, sister, wife, mother. When I turned 30 I was depressed for days. The good news is I have never looked my age, I've always looked younger, as did my's in the genes. The bad news is depression can still make you feel old even when you barely qualify.

When I met hubby, he was 15 years younger than I. He still is. I was in my mid 50s, and was feeling it, largely because of my unhappiness. Physically, I felt great. I had spent 25 years in a very unhappy marriage, a lonely marriage with a man who didn't encourage socializing. lol What an odd way to put it. Anyway, according to my children, I ran off to a new life to feel better about myself.

When I arrived in my new life, different part of the country, plural marriage and so forth, things changed. On the rare occasion hubby and I did something alone, perhaps a Jimmy Buffett concert, I felt happy and young. But we were rarely doing anything alone. And the first year was very, very hard. Just as everything was starting to click, I got sick..pretty damned sick. For the first time in my life I really felt my age, and looked it too. Chemotherapy will do that to you. What I'm trying to say also is that my age was an issue in my new family.. how different they are than my blood family.

Joking about my age, my oldness became a nightly sport around the dinner table. Then there was my role as grandma in chief, as far as babysitting duties were concerned. The climate where we live is not good for old people skin! Suddenly I had wrinkles and lines in my face. The diet put weight on me. I let my hair go (long story). During treatment I was bald anyway. I fell and re-injured a knee during that first now I limped. Ugh, let's just cut to the chase..I had become old. I was not aging gracefully.

I was no longer attractive to my hubby...a man who didn't deal with illness well to begin with. The man who took me out of my cocoon and made me feel young and happy, contributed to my feeling old and decrepit. How did this all happen? I want to roll back the clock to my mid 50s and have a do-over.

Hubby said he missed spending my birthday with me...we used to go on vacation for my birthday and laugh, dance, horseback ride, eat, drink, and just always had a blast. For the 3 years and 4 and a half months I lived inside my plural marriage, we never took a vacation. It was lucky if we got out to dinner once a year without another wife or the whole bunch. We really were barely ever alone. And, I aged.

Thursday, September 1, 2011


I'm here. Away from hubby, the wives, kids and grandkids, and with my "other" family. It's better in some ways for me and in some ways it's not. It is what it is. It's been a couple of weeks now and still no routine, I still feel like a visitor and I am.

Honestly, the worst part is the grandkid. I miss the ones I left behind, very much. Young children aren't great telephone talkers. The new ones go on with their lives just with a new person in it. Me. Frankly, they don't know me.

I crave the beach. I am a fish out of water. No one has time to go with me.. I'm sad to see summer ending.

On the positive side, right now I have my own bathroom!!!! :) That is no small thing when you've been sharing with so many people for what seems like an eternity!!!