Friday, September 12, 2008

Funny in a Plural Marriage Kind of way

So I have mentioned before that all three wives here have agreed and told Hubby that 3 is enough! There just aren't enough days in the week to divide him anymore, even though we all live under one roof and see him everyday. We agree, he teases about it, then he'll say he's just kidding etc. But I do feel badly sometimes because I know he would like another child and I can't give him one.

Last night was my night and we went to bed very, very late in the wee hours of the morning. At about 7:30 am Hubby woke and said he would be right back. At about 9:30 #2 opened my door and said we had surprise company, a cousin that just moved back here, and hubby was visiting with her. Well, to be honest I didn't know if she (the cousin) knew or not about our lifestyle so I decided to stay in my room. During that time, #1 called from work to say that someone needed to pick up the 16 yr old from school because he was sick. Hubby said well I can't because I'm busy interviewing #4 for the job and she wants to talk to you. Cousin got on the phone in the sexiest voice she could muster and said hello I'm looking forward to meeting you tonight what time will you be home? #1 replied, late, very LATE. Then of course Hubby grabbed the phone and told her who it was LOL.

As #1 said, funny in a plural marriage kind of way. We all had a good laugh though.

And laughs have been hard to come by for me lately.

Today is #2's day off and luckily for her, her day with Hubby. Yes, she considers the whole day to be her day even though we live under one roof and I'm retired. She's weird that way, it stems from before I got here and she would have a week day off that #1 didn't have so she would have him all to herself from morning through night. Then I move here and I'm retired, hubby works from home, and she thinks I have all this "spare" private time with him. Not taking into consideration the kids, the kids friends, the grandkids I babysit etc. So on her day, the grandkids don't come over, she dresses all pretty and sits around, not doing housework until a day comes that's not "hers" and she is off. This puts me in an unfunny frame of mind lol. Consequently the day starting off with a joke was a nice thing :)

I don't know whether I'm just naturally selfish or just a cranky person but living like this under one roof does get in my craw at time. I am starting to think though that some spirituality might help me cope.


Dee and Elijah Sue said...

I kinda see #2's take on it. Even though you are definitely working, you are working in an environment where you get to be near hubby all day, even on your off days.

ES is the homemaker, and since Bud is disabled, the two of them are together pretty much 24-7 (except in the last two months, of course).

Granted, on my days off, I don't avoid housework--I MISS housework, so I tend to pitch in on those days. We don't rotate days--but ES instinctually give Bud and I some extra time together on my days off. She will busy herself with something so Bud and I can enjoy alone time, even if it is just sitting drinking coffee at our computers.

And I do tend to "dress" for hubby on my day off if we are going to run errands. I have to wear a uniform 5 days a week, so it is nice to be is something different and pretty and feminine.

#2 is probably a little envious of the fact that you get to be the stay-at-home wife. I would love to be the stay-at-home wife, but we depend on my paycheck--I get that. I know Bud and ES would love for me to be able to stay home with them, but they know I work out of necessity.

Try not to be too hard on her--she probably is just an insecure person and that is why she does the things she does. Not saying all her manipulative stuff is right, but she is driven by her insecurities.

Let her have "her" day--just make sure you get YOUR day as well.


new#3 said...

D- you are so wise! I think you are right that she may be jealous that I get to be the stay at home wife, only because I am retired. I am thinking of getting a part time job. Both 1 and 2 work outside the home, hubby works from his office at home mostly he used to do the bulk of the "picking up" cooking and dishes but I have picked all that up for him :)

I'm starting to understand the dressing for hubby thing too. It makes sense and I'm afraid I've been guilty of dressing down for months now. Note to self: lipstick, a skirt now and then, and something other than an old t shirt can go a long way lol.

She most likely does act out of her insecurites and I have a difficult time understanding that since my instinct when I'm feeling insecure is to retreat!

Anyway thank you for your wisdom and advice I surely appreciate it :)

Hidden Sage said...

A note on dressing for your hubby: It's highly effective. The difference between how I feel when my wife dresses to when she doesn't is huge.
I make it a point to look my best around my wife 90% (if not more) of the time we're together and I expect the same out of her -(well, perhaps only 75% because she's a mom). I consciously put in that little extra effort to look good and it pays off. When she does the same, I can do nothing but appreciate.

There are plenty of pretty women out there, all dressed up at work and elsewhere, and it just doesn't feel good to come home to a woman that couldn't put in the effort.

I'm enjoying your posts, keep it up.

3rd... said...

i agree, dee - you are very wise!!

but new#3, why have you been dressing down?
I noticed that I find it hard to dress up in front of the other wives. It feels as if I am parading in front of them and I know they notice it (just like you notice with #2, and it hurts). Mr.Hubby always tells me I should dress up for him, but I feel so uncomfortable when we meet up with another wife.

new#3 said...

HiddenSage- Thank you for a man's perspective! You are absolutely right about all the pretty well dressed women out in the world :)
And thank you for the encouragment.

3rd- I think I'm do for a wardrobe make over. For years and years my wardrobe consisted of business attire and sweat pants /jeans. Not much inbetween, plus a few party dresses. I took the lead from Hubby who wears jeans most of the time except when we go out for dinner or something.

You are all correct and I'm going to have to kick it up some for sure!


The Pastoral Princess said...

I am fascinated by plural relationships and really enjoying your blog! I think D is right, and I think most people, women especially are naturally insecure when it comes to their husband's affections. Sharing them would be hard especially since you get to be close to him all day. Just being in each other's presence is often times a comfort and perhaps she is jealous of that. Looking forward to more posts! Keep writing!!

The Pastoral Princess said...

Hidden Sage I am going to have to keep that in mind. As a SAHM I am usually very frumpy from day to husband rarely sees me dressed nicely or wearing any make up unless we are going somewhere special....maybe some lip gloss and nice clothes would turn his head...or at least shock the heck out of him! LOL!