Out of necessity I am going back home for a while. The truth is, on top of all the other matters I am dealing with - the frustrations, disappointment, and so forth, I also feel it's necessary for me to get to know my biological grandchildren much better than I do. I feel a certain amount of guilt for showering so much love and attention on the children here, and so much less of all that on my "own." Is that normal? I think it is. I've practically raised the last two here. I diaper, feed, comfort and take to school. I play, spoil and in general enjoy their company and they mine. It's become almost 24/7 but that is another story for another day. All I know is I don't want them to think I'm leaving them forever. I want, no matter what to be some part of their lives. I feel very close to them, even though I am not related to them in the strictest sense of the word. And I certainly didn't raise their parents.
This has depressed me lately. The feeling I may be forgotten by them. At the same time I yearn to be this close to the other grandchildren.
One would think by this ripe old age things would be worked out and smooth sailing.