Saturday, December 17, 2011

Christmas and New Years

I've always had a hot and cold relationship with the Holidays. As a child I used to throw up every Christmas Eve...I guess the excitement. As a teenager and college student New Year's Eve was always a time of angst for me. I wasn't allowed to go out with friends or even to a house party. I was expected to stay home with the family. We had a party at home and it wasn't all misery but it usually had me either embarrassed or angry or resentful. My parent's home always looked so beautiful for Christmas. I always found it odd that once we all moved and especially after my Dad passed, she didn't fuss about Christmas at all.

As an adult, and a parent Christmas was a huge amount of work, but fun non-the-less. A shopper I'm not. Shopping to me is a headache, a chore tolerated for the children's sake. I did always enjoy decorating the tree and collected ornaments that hold a great deal of sentimental value. All of them are at hubby's house. I love driving around and looking at all the outdoor decorations. Always sad when their time is up and the outdoors goes back to looking bleak.

In my plural family, hubby makes a huge deal over Christmas, decorating to the nines, shopping, cooking, the works. I have to admit he does a great job. We all help where we can but he's definitely in charge of it. I always found that to be somewhat of a relief, no pressure put on me to make the perfect Christmas. The only challenge was getting used to new traditions and trying to blend my taste with my sister wive's tastes.

Here where I am, I'm just Grandma. Not in charge of anything and that's ok. Not great but ok. I have a little fake tree that I bought some cheap ornaments for, and my sister will make a nice Christmas for all of us I'm sure. New Year's Eve I will probably be alone or with one of my boys. Very low key.

I'm beginning to understand my mother more and more. I miss her.

In case I don't blog before the holiday gets here, I hope you all have a good one filled with love.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

My Thoughts on Child Abuse

This little rant may sound crazy if it's misunderstood but here goes~

I am horrified by the amount of child abuse in this country and for all I know elsewhere in the world. The number of children sexually abused; physically abused; neglected and/or murdered is astounding! Some days it almost seems that that is all there is on the news. The mental illness that precipitates these actions boggles the mind of experts. If only there were the resources to swoop down and take these poor children to safety the way they took the 400 plus children from Warren Jeff's compound!!

Yes there is terrible abuse or mistreatment of children in some fundamentalist polygamous sects, but I can't help thinking that the outrage from the world at large had more to do with the polygamy part than in concern for children in general. Sound stupid or crazy? Maybe. But the negative judgement of polygamy may have affected the authorities zeal for the raid. After all, where are the authorities or the relatives who may see or suspect abuse in the rest of the country. Look at the Penn State case. Everyone who could do something turned a blind eye on the situation. That shocks me. If nothing else, someone could have gone to a newspaper and told the story when no one else paid any attention.

Similar cases of ignoring pleas for help or horrible suspicions take place all the time. The Catholic Church for instance. The teachers or principals who ignore bruising, constant absences and malnutrition.

There is no band-aid solution to this national epidemic. But I think it would do well for authorities to concern themselves more with these children than how many wives a man may have.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


Well, if you don't already know, I moved from Hubby's home more than 1600 miles to my sister's home to be closer to my kids, particularly the youngest who is ill, needs my help and who has given me the most amazing grandchildren.

My boys (young men) and I are pretty close considering their gender. However, it's not the same as the daughter/mother thing I see with my sisters who have daughters. So although I am the babysitter on call at any moment, and although my first born moved here as well, I still spend a great deal of time alone. It's frustrating at times. Not to mention that because of his illness, and because of his "marriage" he truly does need me to help him with some things...but he is resisting, based on the fact that he is an "adult."

I was both mother and father to them growing up as they aren't close to their dad at all. I feel badly about that. I see how close Hubby's sons are to him, and how much they enjoy each other's company and realize my kids have never had that with their dad.

I was the one who drove them to soccer practice, attended all their games, took them to their first major league baseball games, and listened to their woes about girls. But I don't think it's the same as having a dad do those kind of things. Their father took them camping, fishing and snowmobiling..he tried. Oddly though these aren't things they do as adults.

Anyway, sons are just different than daughters and sometimes I feel as though I'm in the way. They really don't seem to notice that mom is sitting in front of the tv for 3 days and at this point in their lives I'm not all that much fun, I guess. They have their lives to live. I never want to be the mother that meddles or inserts herself into things that aren't her business.

Am I feeling wistful and a little lonely? Yes. Do I want to have a pity party? No. It just is what it is.

None of this was forefront in my mind when I was caught up in falling in love, moving and changing my whole life. Which only makes me feel badly that I wasn't there for them for a few years. It also makes me miss the chaos that is back in Hubby's home. But notice, if you will, that I said Hubby's home.

Friday, December 2, 2011

"Sister Wives" Women in Love Need Time

I've watched the season finale of "Sister Wives" again, and I have to say as much as I admire the friendship between Meri and Robyn, I wish I could take more of a liking to Robyn. I wish I wasn't feeling unsettled about the Brown family, and disappointed in Kody.

I totally understand Christine and even Janelle's hesitancy toward her. Christine admits it...she hasn't been totally welcoming to Robyn. They may even miss the close relationship they thought they had, with Meri, but apparently wasn't enough for Meri...

Dare I say it's Kody's fault? Picture perfect Kody? He usually is so good at being loving toward everyone. However his blemishes have come out since Robyn became #4. He is still smitten with her like a school boy. And for some reason, the Brown children haven't completely accepted Robyn's children by her first marriage, and aren't thrilled with the new baby. This leads me to believe that Kody isn't spending enough quality time with all the children, and he really may want to think twice about he and Robyn having another.

As for Robyn's offer to Meri...If that would include transplanting a fertilized egg of Meri's in to Robyn then sure, I guess.

You know I realize it's difficult being a polygamous husband. I just think Kody added to his problems by adding a 4th wife. He may have enough love to go around to everyone including the kids, but there are only so many days in the week. His marriages are love marriages, not arranged by some prophet. Women in love require time. Which is why I always made such a big deal about a schedule.

If Kody doesn't figure out how to make everyone feel appreciated and equally loved he runs the risk of becoming very unhappy, which would be a shame. He thinks all his problems will be resolved by moving everyone to their very own cul-de-sac....Well it would be a start, but realistically when is that going to happen? The Browns seem to dream big. I hope they get their dream.