Sigh. This is hard to explain without sounding like a whining, foolish, and bitchy person. I have more or less gotten over the sexual jealousy part of plural marriage...I have. I think mostly because Hubby makes it easy.
Sexual jealousy is natural in my opinion. But eventually it passes. I had alot of time to get used to it, so that helped. In the beginning when I first started sleeping here during visits from back home, I would take a xanax before bedtime. I was sleeping alone because we didn't want the kids to get confused or feel awkward that we weren't married. So once for instance I visited for 10 days! By the end of the first 5 days I honestly had gotten over it. More or less.
No my dear blog friends, my jealousies tend to be more practical in nature, or more about affections (like the hair thing or back rubs), or they are about things I can't even explain. Then, when it comes right down to it, my jealousies can be petty and selfish. I'll admit it right here.
I've been living here for several months but during that time finances have been rough. Most of our combined incomes has gone for moving me here, #2's trip to her parent's 50th wedding anniversary out of state with Hubby and the oldest boy, and for bills, just bills. To be blunt it has stunk. So none of us has gone out much. #2 for her birthday alone with Hubby; all of us on occasional shopping trips for necessities; me once for a very very nice lunch - not fast food lol. We each have 2 nights with hubby every week with one person getting the extra in turn. Usually those evenings are spent either watching a movie or swimming in the backyard pool with everyone invited, or just talking or being in front of the computer together.
Last night, Hubby and I had been doing some reminescing about our past travels. We needed to go to Walmart for a couple of necessities. Out of the blue he said, "well I think you need to get out of the house. How about before Walmart we stop at a tavern and I'll teach you how to play pool like you have asked?" I said really, can we afford it? He responded that a beer or two and a couple of games of pool wouldn't break the bank. So we went. Leaving the house at 10 pm and returning by 12:30 I believe. Not long really, but it was so good to get out.
We also share an avid interest in politics, Hubby and I. We watched the Democratic Convention last week together for the most part with whichever other wife's night it was. So today I said, we have to remember to catch Sarah Palin's speech tonight. His response?
You can I'm taking #2 out.
I said really? Why? And she can watch too, it will only be for a short while. He said, I took you out last night. OK I get it. But petty as it is, I was hoping our hour and a half playing pool was special. sigh. Petty jealousy go away!!
See it turns out that while I was busy doing something else today and #2 was home on her day off she asked several times to be "taken out" the way I was last night, ok fair I suppose. Since we don't go out often Hubby just drove to the same place, same pool table and poor thing made sure he was home in the same amount of time. All of this put him in a grumpy mood over all tonight and I resent that. I truly feel badly that she is so insecure in their 16 year marriage, but I can't help but feel that petty jealous thing creep up on me. I just would like to be "special" in some way because I'm new. I want to feel in love with this man without worrying about "getting more attention" or any of that. It's not plural marriage I'm doubting, I'm doubting if I'm able to do it well.