Sunday, August 17, 2008

Sister wives and friends...

I miss my friends. I don't speak to my old friends every day anymore, and I miss them. I miss being dragged out of the house when I'm in a funk and having a good time laughing over a glass of wine in spite of myself. I just got off the phone with a friend from back east and it suddenly hit me....other than family, I haven't made a single friend here in my new home. It reminded me of a post I wrote back in January, so I am repeating it (shortened up a bit) here because I think it's relevant to the experience I'm having.

One of the positive things I keep hearing about havng sister wives is that you wind up with built in friends. That puzzles me to some extent. Well, I guess if the pool of candidate wives consists of women the existing wives already know and like, that would be the case. But some of us have sister wives that either are there first, or are chosen by the husband for the family's approval. To me that makes them more like traditional family members..and we all know we can't really choose our family and don't always like them!

My particular dilema with this is that I have always had friends. I imagine that when I am permenantly settled hereI will establish a small circle of friends of both sexes. Most likely I will either volunteer or work part time outside of the home and I am friendly. It suddenly occured to me that my sister wives will be curious about my friends, want to meet them, befriend them much like if they were real sisters. wow. They may even develop jealousies regarding them. Holy wow. #1 has friends at work but never brings them home. One wishes #2 would make some friends but she doesn't. Hubby loved making friends when he was spending time back east with me. And he has a childhood friend that visits regularly. Friends. Do suburban plural families not affiliated with any church/religion, ever really have "friends?" Good question.One I'm going to be pondering for a while I think.

I've been here several months and this is worrying me. I'm afraid I will become lonely. Not the all alone kind of lonely, but the "no girlfriends to meet for lunch" kinda lonely. Neither #1 nor #2 would be my friend except for the fact that we have been more or less thrown together. If #1 were a co-worker she would probably become my friend after a while. She's sweet and generous and she likes to go places. Wife #2 is someone I would never choose as a roommate or a friend. I can't figure out how Hubby would have chosen her. It's little things like how she never shuts up, or how she leaves dirty pots out over night. How she acts and dresses younger than her years. Other things too...She's annoying and I'm no saint.

5 comments:

UmmAbdur-Rahmaan said...

Welcome to the blogger world. I am a second wife...I have a blog too but I went private for certain reasons but I look forward to reading your adventures under one roof.....

new#3 said...

Thank you for the warm welcome!

3rd... said...

hi! i found it... it was private at first right? have you gone public now?
I'm looking forward to reading your posts!!

Brenda - Noor said...

Thanks for making this public. I am also looking forward to reading your post. I don't have my own blog although I should cuz my mind runs about 100mph. Maybe someday, inshallah. I am an avid reader of most polygamy blogs. Mainly because I have thought of asking my husband to take on a second wife. Its just when you do that everyone thinks there has to be something wrong in your marriage. Yeah we have had some ups and downs but nothing major. Our marriage is just fine. So anyhow, I am always reading the women who are in this and wondering how it would really be. Cuz I think it would be peachy or that is what my mind wants me to believe but when I read those who are actually in it.. I realize that mind is playing tricks on me.. lol..

Brenda - Noor said...

And I did ask him to marry my friend. oooohhhhh and I am so glad they didn't. It was okay as long as I was the middle man, but once they took on the role of getting to know each other and talking without me.. I became jealous. I am so effin crazy.