Saturday, August 16, 2008


let's see... Hubby and I met over a shared hobby, became really close friends and eventually fell in love...however, knowing he was a practicing polygamist with two wives already, I was not keen on the idea of sharing him so I didn't think the day would ever come that I would become his wife. Over a period of approximately 5 years,we would drift apart, we would stay close friends and confidantes, we would fight our feelings and then start all over...his wives knew he was considering me for a 3rd and wanted to meet me, we met...I guess they liked me. The kids all combined liked the idea of "us." It just was a very difficult decision for me to make because on top of never ever having him to myself, I knew I would have to move several states away, half way across the country, which for me was a huge sacrifice and change at my age.

Finally after weeks of waiting for #2's ideas on the whole subject and give her blessing, we had a ceremony last September with the four of us. #1 liked me from the get go and we had almost an instant kindred spirit sort of thing between us from the start. I was, and sometimes think will always, be wary of #2.

For several months, and after visiting and staying at the house many times (uncomfortably I will add),I was concerned about where to live when I move down permanently. That is really a tough tough decision. So tough I keep putting it off. Choices are: 1)my own room in the house Hubby currently shares with #1 and #2. 2) My own house which at the moment is occupied by a son and daughter-in law and 2 grandbabies and is next door to the other house. 3) Somehow share that house with the children or 4) build an addition on to the house the other members live in at the moment so that every wife has her own room. (presently they share a room). Hubby said I should start off in the first home so I get used to all living under one roof. But I so like my space so we'll see.

At any rate, I came to realize too late that #2 didn't like the idea of me having my own home to escape to, or for Hubby to escape to. It seems she thought, even though she had been told that it would probably happen, that there would never be a #3, and as it turns out of all of us, she is the least comfortable with plural marriage. This doesn't stop her from quoting the Bible on polygamy every now and then though...but that's a story for another time.

So..that is more or less how it came to be that all three wives in our marriage live under one roof. I have my own room thankfully, but it's not something I would recommend for anyone seeking peace and quiet.


Anonymous said...


I'm writing an article on Polygyny, which will be published in a Muslim Youth Magazine. Would I be able to use any quotes from your website? Email is Thanks,


Ana said...

With all the real life, firsthand experiences that you and I are getting in our polygamist marriages, we'd probably make the best marriage counselors out there anywhere. Most marriage counselors probably don't know what they're talking about anyhow-text book knowledge.

Without a doubt, women that live the type of life that we live need a lot of help sorting things out and I think we're getting that as we blog. I am so glad we are all able to come together and talk about it. Help is always near; that's what we have to remember.

I can't begin to describe how very strong, steadfast and tenacious you are to be one of three wives. I could imagine myself in a psychiatric institution by now, if I had to live with my husband's wife, regardless of who he married.

new#3 said...

Ana, the key I think to living under one roof is respect. Also to have a loving husband. It makes him happier to have everyone under one roof and therefore we do it. I've mentioned before how hard I think it is to be the husband in a plural marriage but I don't know if I've mentioned how important it is for all of us to try to keep him happy! Originally I wanted my own home. I admit it I did. I just thought it would be so much easier, but then when I see other wives complain about the lack of time they have with their husband being in other houses part of the week, I realize that sharing a home is probably the easiest way to go. All of us share him during the course of a day, his time, company, watching tv, little things like that and we all eat together mostly.
Like I've said before there are pros and cons. The biggest PRO is that I'm never lonely for my husbands presence!! He's always here even if it's not his night to sleep with me. I was very very nervous coming in to this situation, and I think I was born tenacious lol..I stick with things I"m not a quitter, I brought my kids up that way as my father and mother did comes in handy when times get rough :)