I'm being tested. Just when I think I've conquered most if not all of my challenges another one comes along. A couple of weeks ago Hubby discovered a large lump on my breast, large enough to be visible to the eye although under my breast where my bra goes. How neither of us noticed this before I don't know as it is 2x2 cm. A day and a half later I was at the doctors office who sent me for a mammogram. Since then, I've had yet another mammogram, several ultrasounds and won't know for certain what these lumps are. #1 has been quite helpful in regard to helping me locate the right caretakers and doctors. #2 hugs me more than usual and Hubby is treating me like I'm made of glass. I somehow have avoided freaking out.
If the news is very bad I'm going to be awfully pissed off at God for bringing me his challenge at this point in my life. I feel like I only started really living in the past couple of years. If the news is so so I'll/we'll deal. If the news is positive that's even better! This development has brought many changes to my life already. Hubby decided that I needed to tell my sisters about my lifestyle. I fought it but eventually gave in.
I'm sad about this.
So far two sisters know about my plural marriage. They told me they loved me no matter what. Then in the next conversation expressed sadness even grief that I seem to have "such low self esteem" as it was put! Asked to explain, very nicely they told me that they can't think of any other rational explaination which would allow me to "share" a man instead of having one of my own. It seems a good portion of the world shares that view. It's a view that may be true for some, but I don't think it applies to me. I know their opinion comes from the way we were brought up but nonetheless it bothers me. At the same time they acknowledge that they know Hubby takes good care of me. And that I am happy.
They also see my move to this state and this family as an escape from reality...in their minds I have run away from my former life, my children and them. One sister cries tears of sorrow that she lives too far away to be any help to me.
What to do? What to say in this situation? I have not a clue, truthfully.
I continue to work on my garden, though frustrated that the dogs and cats have wrecked some havoc. Watering the garden is like therapy for me.
I continue yoga instruction. And I continue painting.
All I would like is for life to keep going and for us all to be happy with our own lives and not judge.