Thursday, June 18, 2009


I'm going with the poll results and going to incorporate the breast cancer into this polygamy blog. I may do a separate one also at some point.

Yesterday Hubby and I went to see the first breast surgeon I'm interviewing. #1 met us there. This is the surgeon I'm doubtful about but she turned out to be very nice. In my heart though I still have the nagging feeling I need another opinion. So I have an appointment with another surgeon in a few days..Someone highly recommended and with lengthy credentials and lots of years of experience. The problem is she's an hour or more away. This will be a big decision and a difficult one to make.

The good news is this doctor didn't feel that the cancer has spread. She said she can't be one hundred percent sure but she's pretty positive.

Here's the difficult thing about being in a plural marriage - it's hard to be selfish and self serving. But when you don't feel well, that's what you want to be. When you're scared that's what you want to be. When you're angry that's what you want to be. When you're sad that's what you want to be. More than ever I want Hubby to myself, but at the same time I'm grateful when someone else goes somewhere with him so I can sit at the computer and write, or hang out in my room and cry or nap.

Here's the good thing about being in a plural marriage - there are other people to do chores! It's hard to be depressed when surrounded by people laughing, swimming and in general having a good time.

Don't you just love summer? I love summer. Summer here is hot as hell but you can count on the sunshine which is great! It's always been my favorite time of the year. I feel younger, healthier and prettier in the summer. I don't get winter people.

I've been working on a garden in the area #2 wanted a new garden, it's been rough going because I got a late start and because the cats got to it, but Hubby's nephew is helping me now so hopefully something will grow and bloom there :)

Example of quirky difficulty in a plural marriage:

Buying beach or pool towels. I know that sounds stupid, and it is. I decided the four of us needed two towels each. Sounds simple. Of course they have to be different so you can tell which are yours. Try pleasing everyone... For some reasons a little decision like that can result in conflict believe it or not! I guess I still feel the need to please everyone. Hubby has been complaining lately that he always feels like he has to please so many people at the same time. I know what he means.

Anyway, I'm lousy at decisions in general. Breast cancer involves many decisions. This part is going to be rough.


Anonymous said...

When I moved I had to find new doctors. I saw several before I decided on one and I ended up deciding on the Dr who is an hour's drive away from me vs one who was 10 minutes away. I have never regretted it. In fact, my mother changed to him last year after her Dr had been unable to find out what was wrong with her.He saved her life by sending her for a test that determined (very early but fast growing) cancer.
My point is that you need to choose your Dr based on how secure and comfortable you are with his care, even if it is a longer drive.That's another positive to plural marriage; more people to drive you to the Dr!
Still thinking and praying for you. W

Debra said...

I hope the doctor was spot on and that the cancer is not spreading.

You are wise to seek advise from more than one doctor--nothing wrong with shopping around. And even if the second doctor is a longer drive, it is your health you are dealing with, so if it means driving a little farther and spending a little more on gas for the best surgeon, than so be it.

Glad you have decided to post your cancer experience here on this blog--it is very brave of you to do so. Cancer is a very personal thing, and talking about it cannot be an easy thing.


new#3 said...

I don't think it's so much bravery as it is a compelling need, but thank you. I can probably have treatments close to home no matter which surgeon I choose..

3rd... said...

oh lord.. I just now read all the posts since my holiday .. I wasn't aware of the fact that you found lumps and all. It's scary, very scary, and I am happy to read good new in your latest post. I hope the second doctor confirms that it hasn't spread.
How are you now? hugs....