Monday, June 8, 2009

A Poll of Importance to Me

Dear Readers/followers:

Please read the previous post here before reading further.

I need to make a decision about this blog. I want to keep on blogging about my choice in lifestyle, but at the same time I feel the need to blog about my breast cancer. Writing is what I do, have always done, and sometimes is the way I deal with things.

The choice I have to make is whether or not to make it all one blog. My fear is that my breast cancer journey will over shadow my plural marriage journey or vice versa. I am asking for your opinion. In the end I may not agree with the poll; I may do just the opposite of your advice but it will help me in the decision process, really it will.

Oh - I'm sorry to say that yes I have breast cancer and may have more. I got the first diagnosis this afternoon. I woke up feeling angry, mostly at myself, but also just angry for no reason. Like a premonition. Then I got the call on the results for the first set of biopsies. No prognosis yet and probably won't be for a few weeks. There are two more lumps to be biopsied. The results I got today are from both breasts, similar but different lumps. I won't go in to too much detail here, but there are another two, one in each breast. I have every reason to be hopeful of a good result so I am going to try to remain positive as I can.

Hubby shaved his head today which made me both smile and be annoyed. The whole gang is going tonight to get pink ribbon tattoos. Not me. It's a lovely gesture and I appreciate it but I'm still adjusting to this new knowledge...

I will say this - plural marriage means extra support.


Erica said...

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis:( I was wondering, though, why your husband shaved his head and they are all getting tattoo's so early? I mean, you don't even know everything yet...

I love reading your blog:) I'm a single girl who has been looking for a family for 7 months now, and I love reading other peoples' stories and gaining insight to life in a polygynist relationship.
Be Well,

CM said...

I am really sorry it turned out to be cancer. I was so hoping that you would get better news. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Big Love Over Logic said...

We will continue to pray for you. I'm sending you a big hug!

I'm also sorry to hear this diagnosis. I think your husband and sisterwives just wanted to "do something", often when loved ones are diagnosed with something like that, it helps to do's an active way to show support. I know that whenever I hear something like this about a loved one, I feel the need to do something... So I can relate.

When my bestfriend got her diagnosis, I almost immediately started a blanket for her to take to treatments after her surgery. I had to "do something." When we feel helpless, doing anything can help with that feeling.

I could be wrong but I think that maybe that is how your husband and sisterwives were feeling. That they were helpless and that it wasn't something they could control or just 'fix' for you. I know husbands often was to 'fix' things and when they can't they feel helpless. Shaving his head and the tattoos were something he had control over.

I was a little upset that someone on the poll actually chose please do not mention cancer on this blog. UGH, I'm sorry but that really bugs me! I think you should do whatever you think is best, but hearing how your polygamous family supports you during this time is important too! I have found that most people who don't want cancer mentioned act like it's contagious. And I have a problem with that :(. Sorry... it's your blog and I shouldn't vent here!

Blessings, prayers and a big hug too!

Mts511 said...

I am sorry to hear about your situation. You and your family will be in my prayers. Stay positive - what you think plays a huge role in and outcome, so try your best to stay positive. I am a firm believer that God does not give us what we can not handle.

As far as your blog goes, I feel you should combine them - write about both because in a way they go hand in hand - the support of your family and what you are going through should all be in one blog. Keep in mind it is your blog and you can choose what you want to write about.
I wish you the best :)

Meggin said...

I"m so sorry it wasn't better news, but am very hopefully that the outlook will be positive. I think that both polygamy and breast cancer are parts of your life. You started the blog to talk about polygamy, but I kind of think it should be about your whole life.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your health crisis.

One suggestion I have is that you don't own the cancer. By saying "my breast cancer" you are giving it a "home". You want that nasty squatter to leave the premises.

Thoughts follow energy. Use yoga to visualize yourself having a whole and healthy body free of dis-ease. Also use your breath to release the dis-ease. Breath in healing energy and exhale the dis-ease.

Good luck and best wishes

new#3 said...

Yes, someone doesn't want to read the word cancer in this blog. That doesn't make me angry at them though. I really want to know what people think.
I have avoided reading about, speaking about, or having anything to do with cancer since my father died well over 25 years ago. So I understand. I've also been told by nurses and doctors lately that that is a very common thing...a real phobic fear.
I think you are right and my husband and sisterwives just wanted to show support. Remember that was the day I got the diagnosis from the first set of biopsies....
Any men out there wanting to chime in please do :)

Anonymous said...

I disagree about calling it "my cancer"...Owning it puts you in charge so you can tell it to get the hell out of there! I think I have told you that I have been living with a chronic disease for close to ten years now. Surgery has prevented mine from getting worse but nothing (so far) will improve my condition though I have faith in God and science. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this but I know that you are strong and that you have people who love you to go through this with you. For me, learning as much as I can about The Enemy makes me feel more in control. A chronic illness can make you feel helpless; seize control where ever you find it!
As far as the do what you want and need to do! This is a time for you to be selfish and focus on what YOU NEED.
Do you mind if I share your news with a select few from the Other Board? T, M from NY, Duets? You are in my thoughts and prayers. Withay

Anonymous said...

i pray for you quick recovery

god will definitely take care of his child

be brave

new#3 said...

Withay - you may share my news with them of course. Also JH if you are speaking to him at the moment lol.

Today I will hear results from the last two tests.

MeganC said...

Write about both because your cancer is not separate from your family. We will be praying for you and asking God for your healing!

Anonymous said...


Please understand that when I say this it is with kindness and by no means sarcastic or flippant, but I think it's possible that the reason why you have the disease for ten years is because you call it yours.

When we say something is ours it denotes an attachment and it's usually symbiotic in nature: our children, our spouse, our job, our house, our dog, ect... Usually we have a vested interest in those things that are ours or that we own,and we tend to nurture our vested interests.

And just because something is "yours" doesn't equate into you being in charge of it. It's YOUR new expensive car, yet it's in charge of your life because you don't have any extra money after you make the payment. They're your grown kids, but you don't have any say in their lives, it's your job, but you don't have a say in how you do it. In all these situations you're the participant that forms one-half of the relationship. You're not the supervisor in any of these situations deciding how or what they're going to do or not do for/to you.

When a person refers to the disease in their body as "My Cancer" They're saying that it belongs to them -that it is a part of them. Why, if they want the disease to dissipate, would a person embrace it as a possession?

If your credit card company messed up and put a huge, erroneous purchase on your account would you say it was yours? Would you claim the debt? I see cancer or any disease as a big erroneous mistake and I want no part of it. I'd be moving heaven and earth with my credit card company and body by screaming that it is not mine and I am not in charge of taking care of it.

As I said earlier, I mean no disrespect and hope I didn't offend you.

coolred38 said...

Your life is your can you separate one part from the other when both are very large issues in your life? The fact tht you have breast cancer is part and parcel to being in a polygamous marriage...because your sister wives are going to be there for its all wrapped up in one larger issue...and thats what this blog is about. Your life.

Give it to us...good and bad. We are here for it...and for you.

Anonymous said...

The reason I have been living with a chronic disease for 10+ years is because it was caused by an incurable birth defect. We just have different ways of looking at how to deal with illness.
But this is neither the time or place to discuss it; this is
#3's place.
#3, Still have you in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of people beat this thing all of the time. I pray for strength for you.

Debra said...

Holy crap! I have been so self-absorbed with my own problems, I haven't read your blog in a while.

I am glad your family is being supportive--sounds like they are pretty scared, too.

I vote you talk about your cancer here on the blog. Health issues are just a big a part of a marriage as anything else.

Sending loads of love and positive energy your way--and sorry for being such a toad for not keeping up with your blog.



new#3 said...

keep up D~ it's going to start to rock n'roll! lol

maybe :)