Sunday, July 17, 2011


In less than a month I'll be flying back to where I came from, sort of. I'm no where near packed and thinking about it consumes me. What to pack, how much to pack, how to pack, to ship or carry. Sigh. Would be easier if I didn't have such a heavy heart.
Hubby and I have been fighting off and on and it's very discouraging. I truly don't know what to do. I'm worried about so many things. How will I be able to afford to live up there for one thing. How will they manage down here for another. I'm hoping the separation will allow them to miss me, appreciate me. But then again, I'm very doubtful of that. It's sad.
In the best of all worlds I would divide my time between families. LOL that makes me laugh. It sounds so weird that I should have to think about that. The truth is, I've given myself to this plural family for over three years in person and for five years prior to that I did what I could for them. My "blood" family needs me at this time and I am starting to resent being made to feel guilty about that. I mean wouldn't you think if they wanted me to return here whole-heartedly that they would give me their blessings and all that? Shouldn't they be helping me with my torn feelings instead of saying things like "you'll probably never come back"? I'm not sure what I would do in their shoes but I can't see where they really want me here either. I'm the first to admit I'm not the fun gal I once was :(
Anyway, I've started the process of throwing away and packing and it's really hard on me.


Nixon said...

Same situation with me. I'm very confuse what i do or what not :)

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Older and Weiser said...

Packing and moving sucks. It literally can drain you. We have moved now 5 times in the last 18 months. I don't think I could purge any more. And we did it for the same reasons--to be there for family members that needed us.

I feel for ya! You can't be everything to everyone, or in more than one place at a time. Your first family needs you now. Find strength and courage in your decision, and go with your heart.

May the packing faeries pay you a visit so you don't have a packing meltdown.


Writing Our Own Rules said...

This makes me sad, I don't understand how they can be like that.... I mean really, you've been such a blessing in their lives. You have given their children your home and stayed in the other house where you had to share a bathroom. I just don't understand. You've been so generous, how can they be so thoughtless. I can't imagine...

With J we would never do something like that and she's not part of our family yet. Although we feel like she is in so many ways. We know the pressure her family is putting on her, so we put none. Even though that is really hard.

Maybe I'm being too judgemental...