Thursday, July 28, 2011


When I was young I had a hard enough time picturing myself as a mother let alone a grandmother but now here I am, the proud grandma to 6+. I have 3 grown grandkids that I was never that close to. Three "step" grandkids here and three back home. All of those last six are quite young. Notice I put the word step in quotations. Fact is they feel biological to me. I love all my grandchildren to death. They are awesome.

Out of necessity I am going back home for a while. The truth is, on top of all the other matters I am dealing with - the frustrations, disappointment, and so forth, I also feel it's necessary for me to get to know my biological grandchildren much better than I do. I feel a certain amount of guilt for showering so much love and attention on the children here, and so much less of all that on my "own." Is that normal? I think it is. I've practically raised the last two here. I diaper, feed, comfort and take to school. I play, spoil and in general enjoy their company and they mine. It's become almost 24/7 but that is another story for another day. All I know is I don't want them to think I'm leaving them forever. I want, no matter what to be some part of their lives. I feel very close to them, even though I am not related to them in the strictest sense of the word. And I certainly didn't raise their parents.

This has depressed me lately. The feeling I may be forgotten by them. At the same time I yearn to be this close to the other grandchildren.

One would think by this ripe old age things would be worked out and smooth sailing.


Older and Weiser said...

Your heart defines family, not your genes. I am glad that you are going to get the opportunity to be with your other grandchildren. What a blessing! You are taking all the wisdom and knowledge you have accummulated through the years, and are now venturing to share yourself with them.

Enjoy your grandchildren!


Anonymous said...

I heard a couple of plural marriage wives (FLDS) talking on Tell Me More. I said what I had to say to TMM about that little advertisement for plural marriage.

It is a awful, damaging practice for a couple of reasons. It creates a marriage gender imbalance in even small societies, to the detriment of young men who are left with no age appropriate mates.

As I understand the FDLS philosophy, plural marriage the other way (polyandry) as in- one woman married to more than one man is not allowed, or at the least, not practiced. So much for equality.

The married gender imbalances that polygamy causes are very negative in result. In those societies around the world, with a few ancient exceptions, where it is practiced, the results are terrible for the excess unmarried young men and the societies they exist in.

Further, the practice objectifies women.

I don't see how a responsible mother would want to put her male children in that position.

That said, I understand polygamy to be a grossly selfish act, mainly on the part of the husband, but also on the part of the multiple wives who should eventually know better as they mature, even if they were first married off at an early age.

There is no prettying this up. It is a bad thing psychologically, demographically, socially, and the men who promulgate it with young women should be in prison. I don't care if it is a state prison or a federal penitentiary, just locked up.

The wives, if they still believe in polygamy after their husbands are taken away, should forfeit the right of raising of their children.

chandra said...

Wow! You've outdone yourself. I'm loving and drooling over all of these!
Leave Letter For Marriage

new#3 said...

Anonymous ~ I agree that the practice of marrying teenage or underage girls is a gross and illegal/immoral thing. That is NOT at all what this marriage is about!!! The world, polygamy, polyandry, monogamy, ... none of these things is black and white.I would be inclined not judge at all situations that are not harmful to anyone...but that is me, and differences is what makes the world go 'round.

new#3 said...

Thank you Dee and Chandra! I hope you keep reading.

Anonymous said...

Sick people always want to narrow down any non-traditional relationship to the sexual aspects of it. Gay persons go through the same problem. Then they call us the perverts. Those people seem to me to be the ones who make their perverted relationships about sex, rather than love. Sick-oes.