Sunday, December 11, 2011

Sons

Well, if you don't already know, I moved from Hubby's home more than 1600 miles to my sister's home to be closer to my kids, particularly the youngest who is ill, needs my help and who has given me the most amazing grandchildren.

My boys (young men) and I are pretty close considering their gender. However, it's not the same as the daughter/mother thing I see with my sisters who have daughters. So although I am the babysitter on call at any moment, and although my first born moved here as well, I still spend a great deal of time alone. It's frustrating at times. Not to mention that because of his illness, and because of his "marriage" he truly does need me to help him with some things...but he is resisting, based on the fact that he is an "adult."

I was both mother and father to them growing up as they aren't close to their dad at all. I feel badly about that. I see how close Hubby's sons are to him, and how much they enjoy each other's company and realize my kids have never had that with their dad.

I was the one who drove them to soccer practice, attended all their games, took them to their first major league baseball games, and listened to their woes about girls. But I don't think it's the same as having a dad do those kind of things. Their father took them camping, fishing and snowmobiling..he tried. Oddly though these aren't things they do as adults.

Anyway, sons are just different than daughters and sometimes I feel as though I'm in the way. They really don't seem to notice that mom is sitting in front of the tv for 3 days and at this point in their lives I'm not all that much fun, I guess. They have their lives to live. I never want to be the mother that meddles or inserts herself into things that aren't her business.

Am I feeling wistful and a little lonely? Yes. Do I want to have a pity party? No. It just is what it is.

None of this was forefront in my mind when I was caught up in falling in love, moving and changing my whole life. Which only makes me feel badly that I wasn't there for them for a few years. It also makes me miss the chaos that is back in Hubby's home. But notice, if you will, that I said Hubby's home.

2 comments:

Border Collie said...

Who all moved in with your sister? You and 1 son or you and 2 sons? Hope the one who is ill is getting better.

Seems you have been doing all the caring for children for too long. Your previous arrangement had you caring for kids for, what, 3 years on a leave them when they feel like it situation?

Did you ever move in with the couple and the kids? Seems you were going to, then they not only didn't pay rent, they didn't pay utilities and moved in with you and husband and 2 other wives.

You seem set adrift. I don't know, but something wrong. It concerns me. I'm sure you had a good time taking your own boys to soccer. Their dad didn't sound bad, tho the boys don't enjoy the camping and all as adults, at least they got the experience, which they needed to have. Anyway, thinking of you, concerned about you.

new#3 said...

I moved in with my sister until I return. The son who is ill will move here with me so I can take care of him, but not yet. At the moment he is doing ok. Hopefully he will get better before too long. The other son has a roommate but moved near by.

No I never moved in with the couple and the kids. They do pay rent but they spend most of their time at hubby's house. I didn't move in there because they had another child and needed the room.

Yes I do feel adrift. And I think I will feel this way until I make decisions that right now are too hard to make.

The boys dad was verbally abusive and more or less didn't interact with them once they became pre teens. And unfortunately they avoided him.

I moved here for planned period of 6 - 12 months. Not only did my son need me, but my relationship with hubby and sister wives had become strained and I felt the need to put some distance so I could see straight if you know what I mean by that.

I will make it BC. But right now just having a tough time of it. You are quite perceptive.