Thursday, October 27, 2011

Love and Romance and Family

I would like to recommend to new readers that they read the posts listed under "romance" especially, Love, romance and how I got here and Yesterday, everyday. I want you to know that my relationship with hubby wasn't always so sour. It was rooted in romance and an amazing love and respect for each other. Also, I knew about his being a polygamist before we ever met, actually from our first conversation, so know I walked in to this with my eyes open, a spring in my step and a smile on my face.

As I think upon what possibly has gone wrong, more and more I think most, if not all, of it has to do with me missing my family. Have there been problems, especially with #2, yes. But 1600 plus miles is a long way to move even when your children are grown...unless you are like a friend of mine who has the money to travel back and forth for every occasion and then some. I just missed them a whole lot but even more than that they missed me. I could suffer leaving my career, and friends behind, but there has been a deep emptiness from missing my kids.

I am a firm believer in the theory that couples need to put their relationship as the primary relationship and their children as second. However in reality I'm not sure that always works. My children, I thought, would perhaps move to where I was someday. But as time went on it became clear that wasn't going to happen ... and why should it? Where I was may as well have been a different country, another world. I went away seeking a happier life. Somehow, without my telling them they seem to have sensed I wasn't totally happier. But I also think after my cancer operation and treatment, when they saw me with almost no hair, looking so much older...I think they started to speak their minds about wanting me closer to them. Truth is, I really wanted to get to know my natural born grandchildren as well.

I remember when I was feeling so sick how I longed for more hugs, more empathy. Selfish I know. But it started, I think, the feeling of being lonely for my kids and I missed them more and more.

Anyway, read that section if you haven't already. I just did and it made me smile :) Hopes were so high at that time. Love was in the air. And in some ways I felt better than I ever had.

I doubt I will ever find that degree of romance again. Long courtships are wonderful and that's what we had.


Non-Traditional Polygamist Wife said...

It is a delicate balance when the one you love lives thousands of miles from your children who you also love. I can completely understand feeling torn. I am lucky, my adult children all live close by, and I can see anytime. But I also know all but one want to move across the country. I know within the next few years they will move away and live their lives. I also know my grandchildren being thousands of miles away will break my heart.

I also know if I was ill, and feeling alone they too would have an issue. They want mom happy and cancer is terrifying. Thus, I do understand your feelings of being torn. I do hope you find the balance you need and find some peace in your life.

Older and Weiser said...

ooooo, don't plant the seeds of doubt. There is always room for romance in life. My grandmother when she was alive met a wonderful man--at 72! They were flirty and fun together. I loved seeing the twinkle in their eyes...

My grandma and grandpa on the other side of the family never showed open displays of affection. I don't think I ever heard them say I love you to each other until after my grandpa had a heart attack. Then they were very affectionate, and my grandpa suddenly became very romantic...

Never, ever too late. I am the eternal optimist. Love wins!