Monday, February 9, 2009

Things get better

So, hubby told me that he expected me to have a sit down with the other women and hash all this out. Not an easy task as #1 avoids conflict of any kind, and #2 is hard to communicate with..but I gave it a try..minus number 1 who said she would defer to my judgement but needed to get to sleep early and had hubby's blessing.

We talked..with me trying very very hard to be non confrontational. I told her that the number one thing she does that drives us all crazy was her going to hubby like a child going to Daddy to tattle. That this was a totally unacceptable practice and she had been told this before. That I understand her not liking her day to be "ruined" so to speak but that she still had the whole evening and whining and sulking just put hubby in a bad mood and the rest of us feeling like a nice day had been spoiled by the baby of the family! Well..she took this all in and agreed. She made sure to tell me that she still felt I wasn't a submissive wife lol oh well get used to it cause this is me! And she buttered me up by saying that she understands that my sense of humor might be different than theirs. hahaha.. ok it was a decent talk which continued into the next day...hey she is a talker! She thinks that the women should take at least one Sunday a month to do girl, antiquing, browzing, lunch, tea, whatever so that we can bond. She explained tthat she knows hubby treats her with kid gloves but that is the way it has always been..(I wonder why) and that she loves me like a sister and is feeling less and less jealous and insecure..she ADMITTED that the first few months were very hard for her and she compensated by being overly hovering and smothering to hubby and she feels badly about that now because I must have been uncomfortable..(jee ya think?)

All and all it was an ok sit down. We both reported to hubby that we would try harder which is all he asks and that was that. Oh one good result! She made herself a reading corner so that on my day she doesn't have to sit 6 inches from hubby all evening reading a book. lol We shall see! But it's a start. I told her that I would try to arrange more alone time for her.

Honestly - under the same roof is a volitle and dangerous way to live! I dislike it but I'm getting used to it. It's easier on hubby so he says and I will admit that it has given me the opportunity to know these people intimately. All the good with the bad. I do still long for my own living room and kitchen and bathroom..sigh. And someday it may happen. Just not now.

As for the's staying the way hubby made it for now too..give me a couple of months :)


Anonymous said...

Good for you! Hope it helps at least for awhile. But I doubt it will last since old habits die hard! Just keep expressing your feelings and maybe over time she will get it.

Hidden Sage said...

Hey, that's great progress. You must feel a lot more relieved now, eh?

The difficulty is going to be figuring out how to react and handle her when she gets into one of her emotional moods. Guess that'll have to be trial and error.

Looks like you're on your way to completing your New Years 5th resolution! And we're only in Feb :)

Meggin said...

I'm glad things are getting a bit better. Hopefully it will stay that way!

Anonymous said...

Well, now that she has her "own corner" maybe you can send her there when she starts pouting! LOL.
I do think that a "girls only" time might be a good way for the three of you to create a "separate from your husband bond". I know that when I have been forced to spend time with someone I did not care for or thought I had nothing in common with, I have often come away from that time with a new appreciation for that person. It sounds like progress is being made. Even if it's three steps forward and two steps back... Withay