When I met hubby, he was 15 years younger than I. He still is. I was in my mid 50s, and was feeling it, largely because of my unhappiness. Physically, I felt great. I had spent 25 years in a very unhappy marriage, a lonely marriage with a man who didn't encourage socializing. lol What an odd way to put it. Anyway, according to my children, I ran off to a new life to feel better about myself.
When I arrived in my new life, different part of the country, plural marriage and so forth, things changed. On the rare occasion hubby and I did something alone, perhaps a Jimmy Buffett concert, I felt happy and young. But we were rarely doing anything alone. And the first year was very, very hard. Just as everything was starting to click, I got sick..pretty damned sick. For the first time in my life I really felt my age, and looked it too. Chemotherapy will do that to you. What I'm trying to say also is that my age was an issue in my new family.. how different they are than my blood family.
Joking about my age, my oldness became a nightly sport around the dinner table. Then there was my role as grandma in chief, as far as babysitting duties were concerned. The climate where we live is not good for old people skin! Suddenly I had wrinkles and lines in my face. The diet put weight on me. I let my hair go (long story). During treatment I was bald anyway. I fell and re-injured a knee during that first year..so now I limped. Ugh, let's just cut to the chase..I had become old. I was not aging gracefully.
I was no longer attractive to my hubby...a man who didn't deal with illness well to begin with. The man who took me out of my cocoon and made me feel young and happy, contributed to my feeling old and decrepit. How did this all happen? I want to roll back the clock to my mid 50s and have a do-over.
Hubby said he missed spending my birthday with me...we used to go on vacation for my birthday and laugh, dance, horseback ride, eat, drink, and just always had a blast. For the 3 years and 4 and a half months I lived inside my plural marriage, we never took a vacation. It was lucky if we got out to dinner once a year without another wife or the whole bunch. We really were barely ever alone. And, I aged.