Thursday, March 4, 2010

Our Marriage Has Suffered...but feeling better

Wow I hadn't realized it had been a whole month since I last posted! BTW I also had been keeping a handwritten journal dealing with my illness and dropped that over a month ago. I think I was burned out.

Right now I'm feeling pretty ok. I have some lingering neuropathy, insomnia and forgetfulness but that's about all. I take a medication that is supposed to block estrogen to my system but oddly enough I am feeling more and more like my old self even in regard to sexuality.

I have resumed painting and am trying to get back to writing articles and poetry. It's slow going.

Our marriage has suffered..the marriage between hubby and myself. The one between us all is a little bit better but not enough to have me dancing in the streets lol..What can I say, 3 women, 1 bathroom, 1 kitchen, 1 living room..ugh!! Thankfully Hubby purchased a good tv for my room when I first was diagnosed...at least I can disappear inside my own four walls. Our individual marriage? We are working on it. It's difficult to overcome some of the hard feelings I had during my recovery process. I wish I could explain it in more detail but I don't know if I can just yet. To make matters worse, in the past couple of months I have hosted the young grandchildren in my room very frequently, the youngest even staying in my room during sleepovers. During the day, the children prefer my television, for some reason, to the one in our living room which they have to share with whoever is around. My sanctuary has been violated but I love them still they are awesome grandkids. However, the opportunity for intimacy of any kind between myself and Hubby is less.

We have a schedule, a cock-eyed one, but a schedule non-the-less. My days are Thursday and Sunday.We each have two days/nights with Hubby having one supposedly to himself. I'm curious if those of you who have schedules have this "extra" day and what is done with it? Ana?

Anyway, I think polgamy is not a great place for reviving a marriage...just my two cents!

9 comments:

Simply Jesus said...

Oh, I am sooo sorry to hear your marriage is suffering! I think everyone goes through this trials..We have been running down a rocky road too! My husband had a friend tell him, 'if you ain't fighting. Somethings wrong' Being a polygamist situation definitely makes it harder because you have other eyes (wives) watching you! I have been missing your blogs! I was wondering how you were doing! I'm glad you are feeling much better though!

Love
Nikki

new#3 said...

Nikki, thank you for your concern. I was trying to delicately say in that post that intimacy became an issue once I had my diagnosis and surgery. Hubby didn't sleep in my room for 3-4 months and for me that was very hurtful, although he insisted he felt it would be more comfortable for both of us. Even now that we do share a bed on my nights, he says I toss and turn like never before. Sleeping has become an issue for me, it's difficult to be comfortable and moving w/o waking is damn near impossible but I'm hoping that will improve with the implant surgery. Of course that will take 4-6 weeks to recover from, sigh, so once more intimacy will be on the back burner. I am resentful of how comfortably he sleeps with the others, is that wrong? Probably.

Anonymous said...

I was glad to see that you had posted again. I try to check in frequently but plans don't always work out... I too am sorry that you are still struggling but sometimes that is what life is; a struggle.
I think that illness and recovery can upset all of our schedules, including sleep. Hang in and give it some more time, I am sure you will sleep better after ALL of this is over.
Do you believe that BL is almost over for the season? There is no way that everything will be resolved so I am sure we will have at least a few cliffhangers to keep us hanging.
I am glad that your recovery is continuing, Withay

new#3 said...

Hey withay good to hear from you! I know life is a struggle I just wish I could take a break from it once in a while lol..I'm glad you keep checking in I'm going to try to post more often.

No, they can't possibly tie everything up I don't think. I missed BL's finale tonight but Hubby recorded it for me. Sometimes you will spot me on the forum you sent me to :) Hope all is well with you.

Anonymous said...

I hope you are better - I am wife 2 to 4 -
I en joy reading your blog.
How do you all manage meals? I am always learning from other families like ours.

Anonymous said...

Nikki,
Thank goodness for the internet. I am so thankful to have found these blogs.. Its so lonely being insulated and isolated, I am a polygamist, I am wife # 2 out of 3.. ( but you wouldn't know I was # 2.. you'd think I was the last one to come along) I too have my resentments.. and need so desperately like minded woman trying to live in a plural marriage in a monogamous world
I don't even know where to start.. My husband hasn't quite figured out what he's doing.. Bless his heart he is trying But 3 emotional woman is not making it very easy.. especially # 3.. She pulled a Nikki from big love on us and decided she doesn't want to share anymore.. My dh(darling husband) acknowledges we have a problem but is telling me we have to find a way to make it work? she attacks me pulls the he loves me more than you card.. and the sex is better for him with me than you card. Txt messenging is her weapon of choice.. I need a friend and a sounding board Please..

Ana said...

Hey there. I'm so glad you're writing again. I miss you here. Your writings bring tears to my eyes sometimes out of admiration. You're such a wonderful, strong person. You give strength to others, probably without realizing it.

It is a terribly trying time for you; I'm sure. You've been doing really good though. Keep hanging in there and never give into despair.

It's only natural for you to feel some envy that your hubby sleeps comfortably with the others. You recognize it, but don't become controlled by the thoughts and I’m happy for you. You're the special one. I've always been told that those who are more special have greater trials. I believe it.

Your schedule is a bit different from mine. Her and me just do every three days - three with her and three with me, so it goes. Your hubby gets a nice break with a day alone. He probably needs it. I think all polygamist men do. Mine gets his break when he's away on business trips.

I'm glad you're getting better. Try not to obsess about your marriage. You've all been through a lot and there is light at the end of the tunnel. It gets better. You have your wonderful grandchildren, which is truly a blessing, as well. Just imagine life without them; life wouldn't be as nice. I’m glad to hear you’re doing things you enjoy, your poetry and all. Continue to keep yourself busy and your mind on good positive thing.

Chat again soon!

new#3 said...

Anonymous #2 of 3..wow, your number 3 sounds like my #2 but worse!!

I'm glad you found these blogs, both mine and others, but it would be nice if you gave yourself a name of some sort because as you can see there are quite a few that use "anonymous".

Thank you Ana, I will be writing another post soon, maybe today. The problem with hubby's break day is he has to sleep somewhere, and he usually sleeps with them.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how you ladies can let someone like joe smith dictate your lives. you don't have these urges for intimacy and alone time because of selfishness, you have them because God designed one man to be with one woman. But I'm sure you disagree and find bizarre excuses to justify it.

I just hope you can move past this one day and realise the truth.

I'm sure you have heard it all before but I will pray that God will help you.