Monday, November 10, 2008

Added a figet and ready to lately :)

As the seasons change and the holidays approach I've been doing some reflecting on life lately. What a couple of years I've had!

Married into a plural family, left my job and fast paced lifestyle, moved across the whole country, became a step parent and a grandmother almost all at once! It's no wonder my head still spins sometimes. As each obstacle or challenge comes it is dealt with but wow, it is still dizzying sometimes! Please take note~ I didn't say it was negative.

Oh there are still a few issues but I am starting to feel ready to deal with them in a better more positive light.

Life lately is good overall. The hippy commune/college dormitory style of living here isn't all that terrible, really it isn't. Would I still LOVE to have my own bathroom? Well of course! Doesn't everyone want one? :)

My relationship with my sister wives is getting closer. I have come to accept that #2 and I will probably always have issues, but we do have some things in common, I just have to focus on those things somewhat more. We both love comedy, things from "back home," we are both resistent to change in general, and we both love this family! Her lack of boundaries remains the largest issue, but I don't think it's possible to change another human being, and the Serenity Prayer comes in very handy at certain times. :)

Truth be told, right now my largest concern has little to do with the sister wives, the hubby, and more to do with ME. I am a social person. I am given to recluse when depressed, or lacking funds, but I have always had a bevy of friends and acquaintances to call upon for conversation, debate, hugs, and fun.

The other day, I mentioned to hubby that I don't know how I will ever make friends here. His response was to get a part-time job. Easier said than done. I tried for a while. I was either over qualified, too old (yes I know that shouldn't matter but ask anyone who has experienced age discrimination, it exists), or there was nothing available that I was qualified to do! I gave up, but I will go back to looking.

I'm not sure that is the answer though. I wish I knew what the answer is. The plural lifestyle is inhibiting. I don't want my family to be a "curiosity" for acquaintances I make or friends I cultivate. I honestly don't know how to handle this particular problem. Also, all my life I have had friends of every persuasion, color, sexual orientation and gender. No one else in this family has friends of the opposite sex for instance. I can foresee it being problematic. But I may be worrying about nothing.

The largest obstacle to outside friendships though is the lack of privacy to entertain. This isn't a small house, but there are alot of people in it. Plus there would have to be a certain level of trust in the friendship before I would consider inviing folks over. The friendships that already exist here are long standing, none of them 'my" friendships. Sometimes I see where the people who live on compounds have it easier in that regard..ONLY in that regard though. If you've ever watched Big Love on HBO, you can see that the women have few if any outside friends, there is the one plural family they associate with and that's basically it. The teenagers have limited friendships and poor Margene wanted Pam the neighbor, for a friend which worked out badly. I think it's a fair portrayal of the social interaction in plural lives.

On the plus side, it almost is impossible to be lonely!

If anyone has any advice, counsel or commentary on this subject I would love to hear it.


Hidden Sage said...

Hey you're back! It's been a while.

and 3rd's back too...
you and 3rd got back at the same time...

hmmm...hey, what are the chances you and 3rd are co-wives, but you just don't know it?! :-D

Glad to have you back. I can't be much use with polygamy advice. As for work, ever thought of working at a library part-time?

new#3 said...

Funny you should suggest working in a library part time...I actually applied at one a bit ago :) However, they hired a local. Oh well..
good idea though!

Anonymous said...

This might be a good time to find a part time job with the Holidays coming. They do still hire for the holidays, don't they? Glad to see you are back; I have been checking in but saw nothing new. Withay

Anonymous said...

I have a problem with feeling alone in a crowded room sometimes. Do you ever feel that way? Alone but not alone?
I am disabled; sometimes I think having another wife around would help us all so much.There are days when moving is so painful,taking care of housework or the little ones is pure torture. I never have anyone over the age of 6 to talk to, since hubby works a lot.hubby and I are both very loving people and we are very committed to people we love...but I think jealousy would be my undoing. after all, the new wife would probably be 'whole',not broken, and my insecurities would ruin me.
You are very brave, loving woman and I applaud you for your life choice.It certainly wasn't the easy way. The right path usually isn't.

Chris said...

How about doing some volunteer work? No pay but at least it gets you out of the house and interacting with others, and it also could lead to a paid position down the road.

new#3 said...

Chris, keep reading lol I signed up for yoga, water aerobics and oil painting class! I've met some nice people.