Aloneness

Loneliness - different than feeling alone? I think so. The same yet different. A person can feel lonely temporarily, even for a moment. Alone on the other hand, or aloneness is a chronic condition and I'm afraid being in a plural marriage has resulted in that condition for me.

It started out as small spats of loneliness that would pass. But as time goes on, more and more I feel simply alone here. Life seems to pass around me. There are lots of people, comings and goings. There is laughter and sadness. Normal things really. There are happy times and there are quarrels. But I find myself feeling as though I am alone on a bridge looking in to dark waters. And the connection with hubby lessens by the day. Is it me, my fault? Did my illness isolate me? Or is it him? Or perhaps it's just normal life. But I lie in my bed in the wee hours on most days and feel absolutely alone in this world.

Dear blog readers, don't panic, I'm not going anywhere. I just need to find my life again.

I'm Excited

It may just happen. I may move to the house next door, although I would have to share it with one of hubby's sons and family, I'm still excited.

I don't know what else to say except that I'm hoping. It's been mentioned several times as a real possibility.

I think it will help hubby and I's relationship. A little space can sometimes do that. We are crowded here in this house plus the grandchildren are here all the time. I think having my own bathroom will be the best thing ever!!

I'm trying to keep myself contained so that IF it doesn't happen soon, I won't be too disappointed.