Showing posts with label background posts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label background posts. Show all posts

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Schedules...a necessary evil?

I am reprinting a post I wrote back in July. when the "schedule" we had was something like this..I had Mondays and Wednsdays, #2 had Thursday and Fridays, #1 had Tuesday and Saturdays and we alternated Sundays. The whole schedule concept was MY idea in the first place. Remember dear reader, basically I had moved in to a home that was reminiscent of a 1960's "hippy" bohemian lifestyle. As with anything new or different, it takes time to make the necessary adjustments..this post points that out!

I've Had it With The Damn Schedule! - July 25
Yes you read the title of topic of this post correctly. I've had it with the damn schedule. Not that it's going to change anytime in the next millenium but I'm going to make a valid attempt ... any day now.

See, the schedule was brought up by me. Validated by me. Now, I see the mistakes in it but I don't know that anyone else does. I finally had a screaming match with S the other night and boy oh boy did it feel GOOD. I'm not ashamed to say that either. She and I have been getting along better, some. I've been trying and she's been trying and maybe I've learned how to tune her out, some. However...... change is not something she takes to. I thought I had a problem with change! Compared to her I'm practically a chameleon. It may just be the one characteristic she and R have in common. The hatred of change.

T's dad was having surgery on Monday and on Monday and Tuesday (her night) she was staying at her parent's house about an hour away to help out. Wednsday is my night, when she would be returning. So I offered to switch with her so she wouldn't miss one of her days this week. Later on Tuesday when S came home from work I told her that T and I had worked it out this way and she was all well not upset but questioning it and didn't seem happy. Later that night when T called R and reminded him and told him about the switch he said he didn't know we had worked it out and wished we had informed him earlier. "Now S has to sleep alone two nights in a row, she's not going to be happy." Well. A "discussion"broke out between T, me and S wiht T on the phone. It wasn't pleasant. S kept saying how she wasn't "used" to sleeping alone two nights in a row, etc. I blew my top at her. R, wisely, stayed out of it.

My thinking now is to say the schedule stinks and needs to be revisited and instead of actual days of the week, have the schedule be every other night, or third night. And this way, no one always has Saturday or Friday night etc.

T agrees with me. But I fear she is the only one. No, I know she is the only one.

So, we shall see how long it takes me to convince S of the fairness of this new kind of schedule. Don't let's hold our breath.

Intellectually I still believe in a schedule, and emotionally too. It just isn't easy to stick to it all the time.


Since writing that post, I suceeded in getting the schedule changed to an every third night type of schedule. Much, Much better :) HOWEVER, both hubby and #2 get confused or annoyed or upset, whenever anyone requests a switch or change of any kind. Jeesh! Frankly, I don't care. The schedule we are on now is much happier, and fairer! If you don't already know, the schedule means this in our house - if it's your day/night, and you are home, you supposedly get some quality alone time with hubby...a movie perhaps, just sitting talking, a shopping trip for groceries or sundries, maybe a dinner out or a lunch, watching a tv show, whatever floats your collective boat. You also sleep together that night. Bear in mind that in a family this size, if alone time wasn't scheduled it may never happen :)

Monday, September 8, 2008

Right before moving in..my story continued

This post I made on a different site that concentrated on the decision and my move..you may find it interesting and hopefully it explains more background and contains some things I have learned up till now :)

3 days till D day
Mar 18, 2008
It's Tuesday. Friday all that I have weeded through and left to be moved across the country, will be picked up. So here I sit. In the middle of several piles, stagnate and trying to push myself. This is driving hubby crazy. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry he and #2 think it represents a hesitance on my part, because that just isn't so. I've made decisions..something I truly dislike doing. Saturday I will drive to RI bringing along some of my youngest son's things he left behind here. I will drop off my car so that it will be there for me when I return to RI when the baby is born. ~ I need something to find an internet cafe with afterall..lol~ I will also either give him the car or sell it up there. Ok so that decision isn't quite made. I will return to NY to pick up my last paycheck, and fly out from here, on the 27 or 28th. And I am EXCITED and joyful and sad all at once. Is it possible that men can't multi-task emotions ? I am ready to meet the challenges head on. Thank goodness for a level headed First wife! And for kids who seem to genuinely be happy I am arriving! And for a husband who is trying very hard to make me happy! And for a 2nd wife I can disagree with. I'm feeling a Serenity prayer coming on lol.. Speaking of #2, she asked for the phone the other night when she heard hubby say he was unhappy with my indecision, my seemng to him to be some hesitance etc etc... Oh man, I didn't like that. I'm sorry to all of you that love the bible but please don't quote it to me when it comes to relationships. Is that harsh of me? Maybe, but heck I can't be easy going and tolerant 24/7 lol. This is so difficult this move. I've learned things about friendships that are both good and bad. I've learned that you really can't depend on anyone else but yourself. I've learned that I am a horder..honest I didn't know that about myself. And I'm feeling my age in ways I can't describe. I am longing to be like one of Fen's young girls. Ready, willing and playful. And so desired that I can do no wrong. On the other hand I am learning that I am resilient more than I had thought. That I have a family larger than I had thought. And that I am vital to my larger family. That I can do this! I don't even think that the jealousy thing is going to be as difficult as I originally thought. Something seems to happen inside polygamy that transcends it. Oh it will be there I'm sure. But it may even become laughable. You take three women, all with different, VERY DIFFERENT, relationships with one man and for some unknown reason I THINK what happens is you start to enjoy the complexity of the man and his abilities. Is that possible really? Yes I think so. At any rate, here it is 3 days till D day and I'm on the computer. Some things never change. Procrastination is genetic I think and I am passing it on to the next generation. But am I sad about that. Not really. We are none of us perfect, and it is a far cry better than passing on psychosis. I see in my boys, hearts big as the ocean. I hope I had something to do with that. So my friends, I'm not sure I will be adding another blog post until I am settled in but ya never know!