Sister Wives, the show and me

So...the new season of the TLC show Sister Wives started last night. For about a week or so, the Brown family, minus a pregnant Robin, made appearances on early morning talk/news shows and were the subject of commentary on other shows. I didn't pay much attention except I did get annoyed when a talk show host I otherwise admire made some derogatory comments like, "it's kind of disgusting" and such, and lumping the Browns and others like them in with the "bad" polys like the infamous compound in Texas. I couldn't believe it.

Let me just say this about the Browns. You should watch the show, even try to see the last season if possible on demand or however. It's so interesting! I remember feeling upset when they decided to add a 4th wife, but they handled it very well, and I got over my feeling that the others would have to sacrifice too much. The husband first of all, jeesh, I don't know where to start, but he should be cloned. He has faults I'm sure, and that is evident in the insecurities that were discussed when they were adding #4, but he is unbelievably fair. He has his struggles but he really seems to let the wives run the family in daily matters. Their original living arrangement was awesome! All three wives under one roof but separate apartments, which gave them dignity, respect and autonomy. By the way they did and still do now that they are in 4 separate homes, have an every 3/4 night rotation. The schedule I have always preferred, so everyone gets their chance at a Saturday night or whatever it is you want. Even. Fair.They don't discuss their sex lives at all but we know that means where he sleeps, and spends time.

I ADORE these people! They are far from disgusting! They are almost awe inspiring. They took a huge, perhaps unnecessary risk outing themselves on national TV and thus went under investigation in Utah. They are maybe a tad too idealistic. But they genuinely love and respect one another...really, you should check it out.

That said, I get to feeling a little bit wistful when I watch the Browns. I wish my life had turned out so peacefully and even keeled. There may be something to the notion of wives choosing the wives..Merri wife #1 grew up in polygamy and basically chose #2 who basically introduced everyone to #3 and then years later, Merri encouraged Kody to consider #4...she still felt jealous but it's worked itself out. Jealousy at the Browns as in I'm guessing other poly homes, is rarely if ever about sex..

Curious if any of you have watched and what you think..I'll admit it's a bit Polyannaish but I like it!

Schedules

I don't think I've ever elaborated about schedules here..in my old blog maybe. But schedules are important in polygamy in my humble opinion.

When I first arrived here the three who were in the marriage already didn't have a schedule at all..it was more or less equal time in the first few years from what I've been told, then it was catch as catch can..with #2 catching the most time (from what I've been told and can tell). All and all no one minded this arrangement, which also was pretty dependent on the work schedules of each individual. And they had a "marriage bed" that they all shared..I think I've mentioned that before.

Anyway, along comes little old me. I say, ok guys we need a schedule!! And I watch as they all fall down. I was imposing my belief on them and honestly I really thought it would be a piece of cake.

So, three wives, 7 days, I suggest 2 days/nights each with a rotation somehow of the 7th day/night. We all look at the calendar and the other two wives each want one of their days off of course, and preferably two (all). Well that wasn't always going to work. We also occasionally switched nights which Hubby found confusing and unsettling. I think in the beginning we did 2+2+2+1. Then someone noticed that someone would be getting 3 in a row once in a while..revisit the calendar.

Then we changed to what I liked which was every other day kind of thing, what is referred to sometimes as a Round Robin Schedule. This was pretty fair in my opinion. Of course some months or weeks someone would get the third day/night therefore initiating talk and strife over the whole dang thing. #2 HATED this schedule because her time didn't always fall on her days off. After a month or two of her whining, Hubby took control of it and changed the schedule.Each of us with 2 days/nights and the supposed extra or 7th day/night being his to do with what he liked, go out, play cards, spend more time with the kids or whatever. He turned out to rarely do that. Which I of course knew would happen. I dislike this schedule for reasons that make me sad. At first Hubby would alternate his place of sleeping on that "extra day" then slowly, especially after my surgery, he took to always sleeping in the other room. He says he thinks of that as his room because it was for so many long years..advice to those contemplating a polygamous marriage...try not to enter in to one where all other parties involved have been involved for many, many years. Makes sense if you think about it.

Anyway, I took to researching this schedule thing. One family I found on the internet did a three/four; three/four; on alternating weeks and nicely if one wife was away for a few days she got a day or two extra to re-bond with the husband. If the husband and one wife went away to see family or vacation, the wife left home would get that extra day or two upon their return. This was an extremely civilized family who unfortunately don't blog anymore or I would point you in that direction.

Everyone seems to have their own type of schedule, some not as organized. It is supposed to help with jealous feelings, resentment etc and I think it does.

Now, for an odd reason I find myself thinking to hell with the schedule let's just do whatever comes naturally or whatever hubby wants, or something along those lines..let's just chuck it all out and be less organized and more free spirited. Let's have some spontaneity .. let's be romantic???? Maybe